That's what I've been thinking about since last week. Some friends of mine have asked about my ambition, and I just answered them: "To live happily ever after!" =P haha that's what for now la.
If it was for four or five years ago, that would seem to be a bit... silly and stupid for me to think like that; but now, being through everything, I've just realized that it is so difficult for people to live a happy life for a long time.
Being thrown out in this type of "cruel" life, haha that's it for now, I seemed to realize lots of things for myself. I still wonder why previously I always think life is so wonderful that most of people are all good and nice; it is truly not ! For sure !!! Most of the people I came together here, before, I all have good impressions about them; we all hung out together everytime. However, as time passed, they changed - or they may just reveal their true selves... I don't know - but the fact that all of them changed is true!
I'm very confused. Supposedly, changes should be good somehow - that's why people change. But these, ... it was just not fitting me at all. Sometimes I could not stand it: people - they are now just... some assholes I should say. Many of them, through their changes in the way they talked - I think - must be to show that they are some BIG intelligent ones or so... - though obviously they are not. I don't know how to express this but... I feel so irritated and annoyed hearing all the "so-called" craps they are talking every day. In all of them, I only saw in ... maybe three guys ? that is currently now, honest and being not so showing-off themselves.
Even my supposedly old-classmate-friend, who previously I thought should be nice and so easy for me to talk to about all the things, now also changed. I ... feel a bit disappointed. At the beginning, that one was among the few that I could trust... however, recently - no, quite a period of time already, since the early of the year - I felt not really comfortable sharing everything. I found out that he mostly undermined other people - I don't know the reason why, but every time I talked about myself, or talked about other people, I felt that he always looked down on every bits - from the CCAs that people were in to even the true self of people. That's why I asked myself "Should I trust that kind of people anymore if he just kept on looking down on other people - sometimes show contemptuousness toward people?" To me, people with unreasonable disrespect to other people are not good to share or talk with. Hence... ya, I quit talking.
Now that I could not really trust anyone - except for the two people - yea, I found that their changes are not so drastic and not so ... bad. Thus, talking to them is sometimes relieved for me...[I even withdraw myself from communicating in my room - still the atmosphere in the room is like Cold War so ye, not comfortable for talking also... ]
That's it.... Life now sucks and so hard to keep myself being happy always...
*Im being emo*
If it was for four or five years ago, that would seem to be a bit... silly and stupid for me to think like that; but now, being through everything, I've just realized that it is so difficult for people to live a happy life for a long time.
Being thrown out in this type of "cruel" life, haha that's it for now, I seemed to realize lots of things for myself. I still wonder why previously I always think life is so wonderful that most of people are all good and nice; it is truly not ! For sure !!! Most of the people I came together here, before, I all have good impressions about them; we all hung out together everytime. However, as time passed, they changed - or they may just reveal their true selves... I don't know - but the fact that all of them changed is true!
I'm very confused. Supposedly, changes should be good somehow - that's why people change. But these, ... it was just not fitting me at all. Sometimes I could not stand it: people - they are now just... some assholes I should say. Many of them, through their changes in the way they talked - I think - must be to show that they are some BIG intelligent ones or so... - though obviously they are not. I don't know how to express this but... I feel so irritated and annoyed hearing all the "so-called" craps they are talking every day. In all of them, I only saw in ... maybe three guys ? that is currently now, honest and being not so showing-off themselves.
Even my supposedly old-classmate-friend, who previously I thought should be nice and so easy for me to talk to about all the things, now also changed. I ... feel a bit disappointed. At the beginning, that one was among the few that I could trust... however, recently - no, quite a period of time already, since the early of the year - I felt not really comfortable sharing everything. I found out that he mostly undermined other people - I don't know the reason why, but every time I talked about myself, or talked about other people, I felt that he always looked down on every bits - from the CCAs that people were in to even the true self of people. That's why I asked myself "Should I trust that kind of people anymore if he just kept on looking down on other people - sometimes show contemptuousness toward people?" To me, people with unreasonable disrespect to other people are not good to share or talk with. Hence... ya, I quit talking.
Now that I could not really trust anyone - except for the two people - yea, I found that their changes are not so drastic and not so ... bad. Thus, talking to them is sometimes relieved for me...[I even withdraw myself from communicating in my room - still the atmosphere in the room is like Cold War so ye, not comfortable for talking also... ]
That's it.... Life now sucks and so hard to keep myself being happy always...
*Im being emo*
1 comments:
It's two in the morning now, but guess i'll write something to lift your mood up. Oh well, trust me, everyone puts on a front, or their so-called social mask, that is the image one tries to project to others. Such a facade is necessary because in part, it helps one conceal his/her ugliest intents. Alright, to put it mildly, let's face it, you do feel a tinge of satisfaction when top the class and the one you hate screw up badly, right? But do you obliquely show it to the person, given that you two have always been on good terms? The least you can do is to suppress your contentment and tell the person to jiayou next time, right? Believe it or not, you are constantly using your social mask everyday, sometimes without noticing. If you deem this as being fake, well, so be it. The abominable truth is that these social masks are what make the world emerge beautiful like what it is to day, where people appear nice to one another. Without them, human appears naked in their true ugly form, and nauseating thoughts that one hides deep down his closet now surface all over the place. Problems of dislike/hatred arise because of the discrepancy between human self-evaluation and the social evaluation of that human. When one's mask is defective and its flaws are pronounced enough, people around easily consider him/her as being phony.
This doesn't mean that people who are honest/true to themselves have created perfect masks, though. Just that these people don't utilise their masks as frequent, simply because there isn't much of a need, unlike those mentioned above, who constantly abuse their social masks, thereby crippling them.
Oh well, if you have no idea what nonsense i'm spouting, never mind :D. But try to talk things out with your mates, and don't get emo so often, cos it's detrimental for your health.
Typing this certainly consumes substantial amount of neurons, so hope you feel better. buy me milo next time to compensate k? haha
One more thing, this is the longest comment i've ever written. Oyasumi.
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